ALLAN LADNER...
Friend, Teacher... TERRORIST!
That's right. Your beloved, and somewhat innocent seeming professor will not be returning to Mohawk College after the break as he is now, the leader of a Terrorist cell situated in the province of Kandahar, Afghanistan.
After taking a pie to the face during the viewing of Mohawk's third-year productions, he finally finally lost his marbles. Leaving family and friends behind, he sent us this photograph with a letter attached simply stating,
"If you won't respect ME, well. you best spect' this R.P.G.!!!".
...He will be missed.
Furthermore, Ronald Binns has officially been taken into custody when police intercepted a letter from Ronald to Allan, containing the blueprints of Mohawk's Communications Media Department.
Equipment Room Goons, Craig and Mark, have been temporarily left in charge of the department.
While soldiers search tirelessly for Mr. Ladner in Afghanistan, we in Hamilton await his return, wondering if it will be in a body bag? ...or with 2 Tonnes of TNT strapped to his chest.
Kyle MacGowan
Investigative Reporter
The Satellite
No comments:
Post a Comment